In the Land of Mushrooms and Babies
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: "A noise from behind caused Merle to spin around, and he couldn't contain a soft gasp. There was his brother, only it couldn't be. Daryl stared up at him, his little face drawn in a frown." This is a crackfic of sorts, starring our second favorite Dixon!


I really have no idea where this came from, but I was cracking up the entire time I wrote it. A big thank you goes to **PrintDust** who, after her initial WTF reaction, gave me a few ideas! Thanks so much, Printdust! Enjoy, everyone!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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He never should have eaten that mushroom.

Out in the woods to blow off some steam, Merle had gotten a little sidetracked and found himself wandering an unfamiliar area. Though he would never admit it, he wasn't as good in the woods as his brother was.

Maybe that was why he didn't realize what he was doing when he spotted a mushroom and devoured it. It took another ten minutes after that, but finally he was back on track and ready to return to the prison where there would be a hot dinner and warm bed.

Just within sight of the prison, Merle began to feel the effects of the tainted mushroom, and he groaned. He barely made it inside before collapsing, and the last thing he heard was Carol screaming his name, then his brother's.

"Daryl!"

Then the darkness claimed him, and he knew no more.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, his mouth was dry and his head ached. He slowly sat up and took in his surroundings. He was in a cell by himself, and he could hear none of the familiar sounds of the rest of the group. Groaning, he stumbled out of the cell and into the open. Then he saw it, and his jaw fell open.

There, in the middle of the area, was a baby.

His brow furrowed. It wasn't Officer Friendly's kid, the kid his little brother was so enamored of. No, it looked to be a little boy, and perched on his head was Officer Friendly's hat.

What the hell?

Merle approached the boy with caution. "Hey, anybody in here?" he called out. There was no response.

The baby boy looked up at him with familiar eyes. He scowled and looked around again, feeling more and more unsettled.

A little noise caught his attention, and Merle's eyes grew even wider as two more babies crawled out from a cell. One was blue-eyed and wearing a little pink dress, and the other had dark, curly hair and big brown eyes.

"The fuck is goin' on?" Merle hissed as the two babies joined the baby with the hat.

The girl baby pulled candy from a pocket in her dress and gave each of the boy babies a piece. Merle stared at them, dumbfounded. If he didn't know any better, he might have been inclined to think he was looking at Officer Friendly, his wife and the dumb fuck his wife had been playing around with at the quarry. In baby version, of course.

Once again, what the hell was going on?

As he stared at them, the girl suddenly snatched the candy back from the brown-eyed boy and handed it to the boy in the sheriff's hat. Clearly outraged, the brown-eyed boy let out an indignant wail. This went on for a minute, until Sheriff's Hat smacked Brown-Eyes with a rattle.

Merle snorted at Brown-Eyes' stunned face. "Well…"

A noise from behind caused Merle to spin around, and he couldn't contain a soft gasp. There was his brother, only it couldn't be. Daryl stared up at him, his little face drawn in a frown. Merle remembered when he was almost a teenager and Daryl really was that small. He had to be dreaming, he finally decided as little Daryl toddled over to another girl baby with a blond pixie cut and pretty blue eyes. She had to be Daryl's woman, the mouse too afraid of standing up to her abusive husband. There was a flower clutched in Daryl's grubby hand, and Merle let out a low whistle as Daryl offered the flower to Mouse.

"Yer in diapers and still tryin' ta hit that?" Merle shook his head.

Giggling, Mouse hugged Daryl, who seemed to panic and squirm in the embrace.

Having had enough of whatever the hell this was, Merle scooped up his brother in his good arm. Daryl immediately shrieked and reached out for Mouse, who looked devastated as she clung to her flower. "No, no, no, no, no!" Daryl protested unhappily.

Merle just shook his head, but when Daryl began to flail, he grumbled and turned around, grabbing up Mouse as best as he could. Reunited, Daryl and Mouse settled against Merle's chest, content to be close together.

Grumbling, Merle carried the two toward the door he knew would lead to the prison yard. As he passed the cells, he noticed a little blond baby and black baby playing Doctor, with a second black baby scowling by herself in a corner. He snorted. He still didn't understand what the hell was going on, but he figured the sunshine would do them some good.

He pushed the door open with his foot, and suddenly he was falling…

* * *

With a gasp, Merle sat upright, his heart racing. He was on his brother's perch, and relief washed over him when he heard his brother's quiet voice mixing with Mouse's. A sizeable headache pounded behind his eyes as he returned his head to the thin pillow. He was used to fucked up dreams and tripping out during his glory days, but that was a long time ago.

Still…

A soft cry echoed up to where Merle was lying, and he frowned at the noise Lil' Asskicker was making. He could hear Daryl rushing to tend to the little brat, and once again Merle was wondering if the kid was actually Daryl's and not Officer Friendly's. Then he thought of his dream again and he shuddered.

Next time, he would be more careful about what he ate in the forest.

The End!


End file.
